Once Upon a Spoof
by dracosdramaqueen
Summary: Disney and Potter and Parodies, oh my! Disney and Potter and Parodies, oh my!
1. One Spell Ahead

(The scene: HARRY is being chased by all his enemies in a dream.)  
  
ONE SPELL AHEAD  
  
HARRY  
  
Gotta keep  
  
One spell ahead of the Des  
  
One jump ahead of His curse  
  
If they'd only keep me from the nurse  
  
(That's all I ask!)  
  
One swoop ahead of the bludgers,  
  
That's all, and that's no joke,  
  
Looks like I'll have to use my dad's old cloak  
  
MALFOY  
  
Scar git!  
  
DEMENTORS  
  
Soul food!  
  
DURSLEYS  
  
Orphan!  
  
VOLDEMORT  
  
Blood feud!  
  
HARRY  
  
Cut a little slack guys?  
  
SNAPE  
  
Rip him open, he's with Black guys!  
  
HARRY  
  
I can take a hint, gotta mix the 'juice  
  
While I'm stuck in Myrtle's loo!  
  
ALL  
  
Who?  
  
MOODY/CROUCH  
  
Oh it's sad, Harry's worse than Longbottom  
  
RITA SKEETER  
  
He's become a one-man psycho ward  
  
SNAPE, VOLDEMORT, DURSLEYS  
  
Blame his parents because they spoiled him rotten.  
  
HARRY  
  
Gotta live to spell, gotta spell to live,  
  
Tell you when I got my hands on Godric's sword!  
  
One task ahead of the Goblet,  
  
One swing ahead of the fang,  
  
I'll ask before Cedric can get to Chang  
  
One book ahead of my homework,  
  
One charm closer to the stone  
  
Why'd I have to go on alone?  
  
RIDDLE  
  
Half-blood!  
  
MALFOY  
  
Frog mouth!  
  
PEEVES  
  
Potty!  
  
VOLDEMORT  
  
Due South!  
  
HARRY  
  
Let's not be too hasty.  
  
BASILISK, ARAGOG, FLUFFY  
  
Still I think he's rather tasty  
  
HARRY  
  
Gotta live to spell, gotta spell to live,  
  
Otherwise we'd get along!  
  
ALL  
  
Wrong!  
  
HARRY  
  
One swish ahead of the dragons  
  
ALL  
  
Frog mouth!  
  
HARRY  
  
One wave ahead of their wands  
  
ALL  
  
Soul food!  
  
HARRY  
  
One trick ahead of disaster  
  
ALL  
  
Due South!  
  
HARRY  
  
They're quick, but I'm much faster  
  
ALL  
  
Blood feud!  
  
(HARRY's enemies close in relentlessly)  
  
HARRY  
  
Okay this isn't fake now,  
  
If I were awake now,  
  
All I'd have to yell is  
  
Faaawwwkkkesss.  
  
(FAWKES swoops in and rescues Harry in the nick of time. Again.) 


	2. That PotterBoy

DRACO (spoken): Maybe he's right. Maybe there is something the matter with me. I just can't see how having a scar can make you so- good.  
  
(Sung) Look at my stuff,  
  
Isn't it neat?  
  
Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?  
  
Wouldn't you think I'm a boy,  
  
A boy who has everything?  
  
Look at my house  
  
Fit for a king  
  
Underneath floorboards my dad hides dark things  
  
Lookin' around here you'd think:  
  
Sure  
  
He's got everything  
  
I've got galleons and sickles a-plenty  
  
I've got servants and house-elves galore  
  
You want racing brooms?  
  
I got twenty  
  
But who cares?  
  
No big deal  
  
I want more  
  
I want to be like that Potter-boy  
  
I want to see the teachers smile at me  
  
Givin' me As and lettin' me off-  
  
What's the word?  
  
Oh, Free  
  
Havin' gold you get pretty far  
  
Scar's are required for flyin', dancin'  
  
Struttin' around the-  
  
What d'you call it?  
  
School.  
  
He gets good grades  
  
He has real friends  
  
His quidditch talent knows no ends-  
  
He's a Gryffie,  
  
Wish I could be.  
  
That Potter-boy!  
  
What would I give,  
  
If I could live  
  
In his life?  
  
What would I pay,  
  
To spend a day,  
  
As the "green-eyed?"  
  
Harry is great,  
  
But if you say  
  
That I said-  
  
Said any of this  
  
Us Slytherins  
  
Will dump you in  
  
Into the lake  
  
Ready to know  
  
What Harry knows  
  
Askin' my questions and get some answers  
  
How did you kill him  
  
And why didn't he-  
  
What's the word?  
  
Die?  
  
When's it my turn?  
  
How do I yearn,  
  
Yearn to explore the scar-git's mind  
  
He's a Gryffie  
  
Wish I could be  
  
That Potter-boy 


	3. Can You Feel the Krum Tonight?

Disclaimer: Naturally, I own most of the lyrics, but not the music. If only I could write songs like Disney…

CAN YOU FEEL THE KRUM TONIGHT?

RON  
I can see what's happenning.

HARRY  
What?

RON  
And they don't have a clue.

HARRY  
Who?

RON  
They'll fall in love and here's the bottom line…  
Our trios down to two.

HARRY  
Oh.

RON  
Ze sweet caress of torchlight,  
There's magic everywhere  
And with all this romantic atmosphere,  
Disasters in the air...

CHORUS  
Can you feel the Krum tonight?  
Though he can't say her name,  
Her life is based  
On books and studying  
His on brooms and fame

KRUM  
So many things to tell her,  
But how to make her see  
How much I care about  
This Hogwarts girl,  
Care for Her-mo-ninny

HERMIONE  
He's holding back he's hiding,  
Like, why did he choose me?  
I'm just an average Hogwarts girl,  
I'm not even pretty.

CHORUS  
Can you feel the Krum tonight?  
You needn't look too far,  
Twirling through,  
The Great Hall Yule décor,  
Forgetting friend of scarred

RON  
And if she falls in love,  
Tonight

HARRY  
(Sniff)

RON  
It can be assumed...

HARRY  
Her carefree days  
With us are history...

RON  
In short our pal

BOTH  
Is doomed...  
(HARRY and RON burst into tears.)


End file.
